A simple choice of words can reveal our views and communicate a great deal to a listener. We encourage social workers, adoptive parents, birthparents, board members, volunteers, and supporters to use language that accurately reflects the reality of adoption. The following list is not exhaustive, but it reflects some of the more common words that we encounter as we minister to birth and adoptive parents in Jesus’ name.
Rather than.................We suggest
real parent(s).....................birthparent(s), birthmother(s), birthfather(s)
natural parent(s)................biological parent(s)
unwed mother....................single parent
real child............................birthchild
Illegitimate child................child of unmarried parents
Put up for adoption............Make an adoption plan
Give up for adoption..........Choose adoption
Is adopted........................Was adopted
Keep a child......................Parent a child
Hard to place child............Child with special placement needs
to keep a child...................to parent a child
Unwanted pregnancy........Unplanned, unintended, or untimely pregnancy
Find parents........................Search for birthparents
Foreign adoption.................International adoption
Thanks to the Bethany Christian Services website for this list.
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
FAQ's
These are a couple of questions that some people have:
Aren't you afraid the birthparents will take your baby away?"
Legally, once the birthparents surrender their parental rights and an order is entered terminating those rights, they cannot 'come back' and reclaim their child. It is just as important to realize that birthparents make an adoption plan and face the loss connected with it because they want what is best for their child. They don't want to disrupt the child's life once they are placed with a family. The desire to do what is best for their child doesn't end. And, contrary to some people's fears, open adoption does not increase the chance that a birthparent would want to reclaim their child. In an open adoption, birthparents have the ability to see for themselves how their child is growing and thriving and know that they made a good plan that is in the best interest of their child."
Open adoption? When the child gets older, it will just cause confusion. Won't you feel like you're not the real parents, or you are co-parenting?"
Every parent must believe that they are entitled to be a parent to their child, regardless of whether it is a biological or adopted child. And, every adoptive parent must accept the reality that there is another set of biological parents for their child. That reality does not change our relationship with our adopted child. We are the parents who are there every day, whom the child knows as mom and dad. As far as a child being confused, children are probably more confused by not knowing parts of their history. Children are remarkably able to understand, for example, the complex relationships of blended families. A child growing up with a custodial step-parent knows that they have another biological parent and they aren't confused about who is who. Why do we think that children would be confused about a biological and adoptive parent? Children understand who is parenting them, who loves them and who is there with them every day. They also can understand that they have another biological parent who loves them and is not in competition with their parents."
Aren't you afraid the birthparents will take your baby away?"
Legally, once the birthparents surrender their parental rights and an order is entered terminating those rights, they cannot 'come back' and reclaim their child. It is just as important to realize that birthparents make an adoption plan and face the loss connected with it because they want what is best for their child. They don't want to disrupt the child's life once they are placed with a family. The desire to do what is best for their child doesn't end. And, contrary to some people's fears, open adoption does not increase the chance that a birthparent would want to reclaim their child. In an open adoption, birthparents have the ability to see for themselves how their child is growing and thriving and know that they made a good plan that is in the best interest of their child."
Open adoption? When the child gets older, it will just cause confusion. Won't you feel like you're not the real parents, or you are co-parenting?"
Every parent must believe that they are entitled to be a parent to their child, regardless of whether it is a biological or adopted child. And, every adoptive parent must accept the reality that there is another set of biological parents for their child. That reality does not change our relationship with our adopted child. We are the parents who are there every day, whom the child knows as mom and dad. As far as a child being confused, children are probably more confused by not knowing parts of their history. Children are remarkably able to understand, for example, the complex relationships of blended families. A child growing up with a custodial step-parent knows that they have another biological parent and they aren't confused about who is who. Why do we think that children would be confused about a biological and adoptive parent? Children understand who is parenting them, who loves them and who is there with them every day. They also can understand that they have another biological parent who loves them and is not in competition with their parents."
Trying something new!
Well...I've decided to join the 21st century and learn to BLOG!! Not that we have such an exciting life , it's just all our family and friends live so far from us. I'll tell someone something then realize I never told someone else. This is just not a good feeling, hence...the blog.
To fill you in on this morning, it was lovely. I didn't have to get up till 10:00. Well, Ranger started whining about 7:50. I woke Philip up at 8:15 to feed him and throw him outside. Philip woke up with a start sometime this morning yelling at Samus. She had fell asleep on his feet and when he shifted to turn over, she attacked his feet. We looked this morning and sure enough she left a little gouge mark on his foot. Other than the curtain in the living room falling down, it was a pretty quiet morning.
To fill you in on this morning, it was lovely. I didn't have to get up till 10:00. Well, Ranger started whining about 7:50. I woke Philip up at 8:15 to feed him and throw him outside. Philip woke up with a start sometime this morning yelling at Samus. She had fell asleep on his feet and when he shifted to turn over, she attacked his feet. We looked this morning and sure enough she left a little gouge mark on his foot. Other than the curtain in the living room falling down, it was a pretty quiet morning.
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